Effects of Divorce on Children
The statistics for divorce in the
1990's suggest that nearly sixty percent of marriages end in divorce. Given
this startling figure, the presumption can be made that many children will
experience some effects caused by the life-changing event called divorce. What
is it exactly about divorce that causes negative consequences for these
children? In what ways will these children be effected? Will these effects show
outwardly? The unsettling fact is: young children of divorced parents face great
psychological challenges due to the environmental conditions and changes
associated with divorce (Wolchik and Karoly 45). When we pass the year 2000, we
will see two groups of working age adults emerging. One group will have received
psychological, social, economic, educational and moral benefits and the other
group will have been denied them all. The first group will have grown up with
both parents present in the house and the second group will have not had both
parents present.
Parental conflict appears to have a pronounced effect on
the coping efforts of children. The intense anxiety and anger between some
parents in the early stages of divorce is real. Often times parents allow their
children to get in the middle of fierce verbal fighting between them. Berating
the other parent in front of the child is another way of placing the child in an
unfair position, which in essence is expecting the child to choose between the
parents. Any form of parental conflict, no matter to what degree, lends to a
difficult adjustment period for children involved. (Jekielek 1-3).
The
deterioration in parent-child relationships after divorce is another leading
cause in psychological problems for children. With a divorce comes a parenting
plan of some kind. A child may experience shared custody between both parents or
custody by one parent with visitation by the other parent. Variations of these
plans can be included or added at different times in the child's life depending
on special circumstances. More often than not, the mother is awarded custody of
the children. The absence of the father on a full time level is detrimental to
the healthy development of the children. In the case that the father is awarded
custody of the children, the opposite applies as well. Studies have shown that a
decay in custodial parent-child relationships may frequently occur in the first
year or two following divorce (Wolchik and Karoly 56-59).
Constant confusion
and inconsistent parenting are supplying factors to the adaptation of children.
Consistency is the key to helping children adapt quickly with as few
psychologically traumatic scars as possible. The consistency should be practiced
in every aspect of the child's life including: eating and drinking adult foods,
potty training, sleeping in their own bed, discipline, "house rules" showing
respect towards others, sharing, and routines wake up and bed times, meal times,
play times. Because parents may have different ideas of what consistency means
and how children should be raised, it is often a difficult task for the parent
to help encourage positive and progressive development for the children.
The
relationship between divorce and a drop in standards of living for female-headed
families has been documented in several studies. The connection between divorce
and financial difficulties in these households may negatively impact children's
adjustment periods. Felner and Terre (1987) conclude,
"Economic deprivation
accompanying divorce may influence the child's adjustment not only directly, by
decreasing the level of
material resources available to the child, but also
less directly by leading
to additional alterations such as [in] mother-child
interaction patterns,
daily routines, or the quality and/or location of the
child's domicile or
through contributing to the stress experienced by the
custodial parent"
If divorce is so painful, why do some children
flourish academically? Why do others carry on as if nothing has happened? "The
reactions a child exhibits will depend on the nature of the child (ego strength
and capacity to mobilize resources), as well as his or her age and the
relationship of the parents and child before, during, and after the divorce.
Some of the initial reactions to divorce are similar to the reactions to the
death of a loved one." It can be expected that a child going through such a
traumatic event as divorce will experience a wide range of emotions: sadness or
depression, denial, embarrassment, anger, guilt, concern about being cared for,
regression, maturity, and physical symptoms (Diamond 22-28).
Listed by age
group are some of the more common post-divorce symptoms experienced by children.
Preschool children are more likely to blame themselves and to experience
nightmares, enuresis, and eating disturbances. Early-school age children have
academic problems, withdrawal and depression. Older school age children are more
likely to blame one parent for the divorce and feel intense anger at one or both
parents. Adolescents experience the most intense anger and also exhibit problems
with developmental issues of independence and interpersonal relationships.
(Wolchik and Karoly 235-236).
Interview of : Michael, age ten
"My parents aren't actually divorced yet. But they're getting one soon.
When I was five, he moved to Boston, and that hurt my feelings because I
realized he was really leaving and I wouldn't be able to see him every day. My
father drives big machines, and when he lived with us, I used to go to his job
every day and watch him working on trucks. I had my own goggles and tools, and
we would spend many hours together. I remember when I first heard the bad news
that he was moving away, because I almost flipped my lid. My father said he
would be divorcingmy Mom but that he wouldn't be divorcing me and we'd still see
each other a lot-but not as often. I started crying then and there, and ever
since then I've been hoping every single second that he'd move back home and
we'd all live together again. I don't cry much anymore because I hold it back,
but I feel sad all the same.
I get to visit my father quite often. And
Shadow. He's my dog. Whenever I talk with Daddy on the phone I can hear Shadow
barking in the background. The hardest thing for me about visiting my father is
when I have to leave, and that makes me feel bad-and mad-inside. I still wish I
could see him every day like I did when I was little. It's hard to live with
just one person, because you don't have enough company, though my Mom has a
great baby-sitter and that helps
a little. You (Megan) are like my sister,
and it's comforting for me to have someone besides Ed around to do stuff
with-like takes me for rides on your bike and we play baseball together. We can
do a lot more daredevil activities than I could ever do with my Mom.
I
hope my Mom never gets remarried because I just wouldn't like anybody else to
try and take the place of my Dad. But sometimes when she's dating one man a lot
and he's nice to me, I can't help wishing he was my Dad. I told her that if she
did ever want a husband, I have a list of choices and it would be nice if she
could pick someone who could help me play with my computer. I wouldn't mind if
my Dad got remarried because maybe they'd have another kid and to tell you the
truth I would really like to have a younger brother. But I wouldn't want my Mom
to have a baby because it would live with us and then I'd have to share all my
stuff. Still, what I really really want, deep down, is that my Dad doesn't get
remarried and my Mom doesn't, either. What I'm just hoping and hoping more than
anything is that they'll get back together again"
Works Cited
Diamond, Susan. Helping Children of Divorce.
Furstenberg, Frank F.
"Children and family change: Discourse between social
scientists and the
media."
Jekielek, Susan M. "Parental conflict, marital disruption and
children's
emotional well-being."
Krementz, Jill. "How It Feels When
Parents Divorce."
Wolchik, Sharlene A., and Paul Karoly "Children of Divorce
Empirical
Perspectives on Adjustment."